witty-remark's Diaryland Diary

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Somehow, something is almost reassuring about sitting with my back pressed against the car seat as my mom drives erratically, calling me 'a worthless piece of shit' and threatening to crash the car. The calm that washes over the entire scene comes from the contrast of her sharp screams and even sharper turns and my utter and complete silence. I just sat. Silent. Still as a marble statue. Listening to the radio ironically playing "Pocket Full of Sunshine". If we slip, we slip. If we crash, we crash.

I stared straight ahead. Not a word. Let her throw her temper tantrum. Let her totally and completely dump her own mountain of stress on me. Let me deflate beneath its weight. Let me sink into the ground. Deeper.

She says "You are a selfish worthless piece of shit."

The radio plays "take me away, a secret place"

She says "YOU'RE SHIT! YOU DON'T DO ANYTHING! ABSOLUTELY SELF-ABSORBED. "

The radio plays "A sweet escape, take me away"

She says "STUDYING ENGLISH?! YOU GO TO UNIVERSITY TO STUDY ENGLISH?! "

The radio plays "take me away to better days"

She says "And...and. you can't even SEE...you can't SEE how absolutely selfish and worthless you are because the people you associate with ARE TEN TIMES WORSE"

The radio plays "take me away, a hiding place"

5:11 p.m. - Tuesday, Dec. 30, 2008

Then - Now